Who am i ?

I am a free dreamer,walker and thinker..

Dancing with words,imagining a soulful and peaceful life..Being alone makes you feel independent!
Esra Şeker/ Teacher of English

©All Rights Reserved


Are we born with good or evil?
Do we choose to be good or bad?
Maybe both of them..

We live in such a world that life is a literally struggle. From past to now, humanity is in an endless war with his ego in this struggle. In fact, he is born with his all good and bad sides, and he feeds the both sides with his preferences. For some people, we define our fate; for the others,fate nets. To me, mankind makes choices, then destiny manifests. Actually, this topic is open to discussion, so let’s talk about goodness and badness.

I came across a painting in the previous day, and it took me away and made me think deeply about life and human. The person in the picture was John Milton, a great poet and author. On that picture, he was dictating “ Paradise Lost” to his daughters, because he had lived as a blind in the last twenty years of his life. So, he had to have his works printed , but he never gave up! What pushed him to write with such a big passion? I think, he chose to understand the world in which he lived, so this desire made him a big writer. Moreover, he optained a libertarian soul. Then, this irresistible desire opened doors of a different world to him.. So, he gained the reputation of the wise advocate of the Radical regime and the Republic. He had such an effective language that this sharp style of his pen put him in trouble many times.

If I come to the main issue, what has written him this twelve – parts masterpiece ‘ Paradise Lost’ ? Is it the tragedy of good and evil that replaced each other ? This is a complete dilemma! On the other hand, we see the effects of Paradise Lost which is a tale of the Fall of Man, in TV series and film scripts. Escobar and Lucifer can be given examples. Especially, Lucifer name is not selected by chance in this series. When we return to Milton’s Paradise Lost, main topic is about Heaven, Hell , Earth and the falling of humankind from the heaven to hell of the earth! This is a bitter struggle, maybe tragedy.. In fact, it is the battle between Satan and God, and the endless revenge of Satan against God. Satan’s not prostrating to Adam, and his being expulsion from Eden. The big conflict between Adam and Eve. As you know, Adam’s choise of love is known an unyielding love in all Holy books, and Adam prefers Eve to God. While the poem, ‘Paradise Lost’ treats the love of Adam and Eve ,and shows Satan’s rebellion as an honorable act, what he actually represents is different. In deed, In this epic poem, God represents the monarchy , and Satan represents the innovation in the government. It even refers to Satan’s rebellion as a search for a democratic right. Milton actually refers to human beings who seek the political structure and democratic rights in his years. Also, the Paradise Lost was criticized by religious authorities accusing it of portraying Satan as righteous, God as a monarchic power. Even, William Blake says that Milton was unknowingly in the devil’s sect. If Milton had written an ordinary political article, maybe it wouldn’t have been as effective, because he approached to the humanity, and to the love, the evil and the good inside of mankind. The human with all his temptations is centered in poem, also the revenge, the love, the passion and the vanity is expressed with all reality. He uses such an epic style that he even calls himself as the Blind Homer of Time. In this term, Angel Michael ‘s adviceses to human beings are given as a representation of the right sense. Milton depicts such a scene between Satan Lucifer and God that you question whether man was created as evil or by choosing to be evil.. Lucifer takes his revenge by temptating Adam and Eve, then Adam’ s choice of love , maybe even his jumping into fire, and Eve’ s dare to love with half narcissistic feelings..

However, Paradise Lost is truly a masterpiece that tells mankind in all its reality. Initially, the human knows paradise as homeland, then he discovers love which makes him to feel passion, desire, ambition. Even if he knows that this forbidden love is the reason to get out of Heaven, he chooses the love and shares the same temptation with Eve. After that, they find themselves in the Hell of Earth. Behind all this is the revenge of Lucifer the Devil. So, Eve and Adam, who fell to the Earth, take their first step into Hell, then they pray to regain the Eden. Satan doesn’t leave them alone in the Earth either. The whispers of the Devil who deprive them of Paradise follow them here, but the sincere prayers of Adam and Eve cite God’s mercy. At the end of this earthly hell they are heralded by the eternal paradise.
if human were evil as a result of sin, would there be eternal paradise at the end of real regret? Does a man’s instant choices make him bad person in a lifetime? In my opinion, humans are actually human with their weaknesses, and behind every sin, he has the virtues that will bring him back to his feet. He falls, falls again.. Despite the devil whispering in his blood, he lives the outcome of his choices. Maybe ,there is no ultimate good or bad for human beings that host both good and evil.

Well.. Is the Devil the source of all evil? In fact, while Satan is becoming victim of his own vanity, he is only quite certain of the existence of mankind that he can lead after. He just uses the temptations of humankind for his revenge. If Satan was once an Angel when he became a demon, there could be a good in every evil and an evil in every good. To sum up, as long as there is an ego that is worse than the devil inside of us, we will not be able to get rid of falling ! Even, we all create our Heaven and Hell with our hands.

In conclusion, most of the time we need to lose to find, and It is part of our existence to turn evil into good.. So, there is no coincidence on that Milton wrote Paradise Regained after Paradise Lost. We can regain our virtues even if we fall into the deepest faults. I end my words by leaving a quote ;

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”

John Milton, Paradise Lost

© lhpinhan / 2019 Esra Şeker

Gazing at Stars

When I was a child, I used to lying down under stars at summer nights. I would try to catch muse of stars! The stars were my magic world. Whenever I gazed at them, thrilling, mostly weird stories used to rush to my brain. I wasn’t alone at those times. My sister was with me , because she was so eager to hear that she would take place next to me. I really liked to imagine and tell stories at summer nights under stars. Moreover, I wanted my sister to close her eyes ,and imagine the sceneries, characters while I was telling. Her curious eyes which was getting bigger during scary parts made me more ambitious to tell stories. After a while, we started to believe that heroes of my stories could be real and talk about them. It was our secret fun. Beyond all, the stars were indispensable for us, because we used to choose the brightest star and give a name to it. Then, we would draw invisible lines among the stars and combine them. These lines would turn into some images which were flowers, faces, animals, or objects. While gazing , when a star fell ,we used to shout :” Look! It slid! Somebody passed away..” We really didn’t know why we thought like that. We might have heard from rumours among adults. But we believed this and tried to find our stars which would slide if we died. Maybe, we mostly kept the biggest one because of this reason. However, I used to give the brightest and biggest one to my sister as an elder, but I was a child too. I chose the smaller one next to the biggest. We should have been together on the sky, because being a sister required this. After a short childish mourning , we used to talk about good things. I would tell story and wait for hero of my story to come into my dream!


Whenever I go to this childhood memory, I remember ‘ A Child’s Dream of A Star (by Charles Dickens) . This story is special for me , because it’s so feeling and touching to hearts. A brother and sister’s musing on life and death surrounds me. It is so charming and heart- warming that it takes me to the my childhood. Of course, the end of story is misery, and a brother’s grief is extremely sincere.

(illustrator Hammattt Billings)

Furthermore, their wandering around at nights by thinking about life, nature and death is incredibly sophisticated for kids. In the story, there is a shining star in the sky. It is larger and more beautiful. Whoever see it first cries out “I see the star!” Then, little sister drops weak and passes away. The brother’s grief and longing go on for days, and he never gives up looking at stars and waiting for going to sky to be with his sister ..


Besides this, the meaning of life is inevitable fact for we humans. Also, we can feel the essence of life in each age, and kids are luckier than us, because they never give up imaginating and feeling miracle. Finally, I wanna leave a few sentences from the story.

“.. and one night as he lay upon his bed, his children standing around, he cried, as he had cried so long ago.. ” I see the star! ” They whispered one to another ,” he is dying..” And he said , ” I am.. My age is falling from me like a garment, and I move towards the stars as a child .. And O, my Father, now I thank Thee that it has so often opened ,to receive those dear ones who await me!”

And the star was shining and it shines upon his grave..”

A Child’s Dream of A Star

by Charles Dickens

One day, a star might be shining upon our graves too.. Who knows?

©2018 lhpinhan

Is a simple life possible?

Today, we mostly hear *minimalism and simplicity. Maybe,simplicity is a yearning  of modern world people to the old days which had simple but peaceful moments

Well, what is minimalism?

In fact, it was a trend in sculpture and painting that arose in the 1950s, and used simple typically massive, forms.. In other saying, it is a current issuing simplicity and objectivity in modern art and music.

However, we see its effects in our daily lives. Especially, decorators and interior architects are extremely interested in simplicity. They think that simple decoration has a classy and neat atmosphere. And this life style has gotten attention of modern world which is suffering from hustle and bustle .. Today’s people prefer resting in simple and peaceful places decorated less furniture anymore. Most of us are getting to keep *the less but functional objects. Simple and handy ones.. Because, we reasonably need to use our time in a fast and easy way. Beyond these reasons, we primarily desire to have less things to survive and live. For instance , we tend to eat twice a day nowadays, and we are extremely  bored of unneeded clothes in wardrobes.. Moreover, we are so lonely that we play hide and seek with ourselves among rooms. We are as if we were swallowed by all unneeded goods! Whether some of us make enough money or not, we feel need of wearing different dresses for each day. Before hiring a house , we firstly look at if it has extra large cupboards, because our shoes are sitting on head corners! Also, each family members are running to get a car , and pavements are occupied by cars day by day. The furnitures are real residents of our houses. While we are working for making much money to buy more and more, they are living instead of us! For instance,after a tiring day, we desire only a relaxing sofa and a cup of tea.

On the other hand ,our walls and every inches of our rooms are so crowded that we are like prisoners of our wealthy and showy lives! Furthermore, extra time is needed to clean and dust them. If we haven’t any time, we need helpers for all errands. So, we consume ourselves to have much money to live a luxury life .

Well, does a luxury life have to be crowded like this much?

Do we really need all of them?

Can we pass our days with a few but neat clothes?

Do we have a chance to cycle to our works?

Is a simple life really possible?

I think, it is ,but most of us need to agree on this idea. Because, we all feel more confident in our communities. So , as a society, we should change ourselves together ..Of course, everybody don’t have to agree on it. Life style is a preference.

To sum up, as long as we give up getting unnecessary things, we’ll start to realize more and free time. Instead of killing our time with shopping , designing, eating, clothing, cleaning and in traffic, we’ll save our free time to take a fresh breath and discover the nature. Sometimes, I feel hopeless because of technological innovations . The futurist brains may activate air transportation, if it is so, these days our last days to see our free and blue sky as unique peace source !

While there is still time, look at the sky, feel your freedom and catch the time! Believe me my fellow! We need less thing but more freedom !

©2018 lhpinhan

..Toward to my dark rooms..


This time..Keeping my breath..Today i am strong enough to do it!It isn’t hard as you think..Leave yourself into my deepsides..what happened?You look as if terrified!Relax,my fellow!It’ll be like sliding on the ice..Because,my inner world like icy roads,high mountains..I’ll see my dark faces with you..This is my hypocrisy which is being with others;only to spend time and not to be different from the others..They think that I’m a mad and have wise soul..It isn’t real! It is a big lie!

Now,let’s look at my innocent face under smooth skin which has rough valleys,crowded ways..It’s dangerous to drive on them and don’t stop;because we have long journey to my inner!I’m not kidding! Just kicking the reality to faces!

Whenever I try to be peaceful,an insect bites me and leaves its poison into my mind..It’s like a voice,weird voice whispering to me..

“Don’t be comfort!It’s a game that will end in a few seconds..Face to this reality and lost!How many times you saw the grief after getting your passions?And how many times you realized this blank whenever you hold the imagine wanted by you in your hands?”

Even if I hear this voice and the voice of meaningless captures my mind,I talk to myself

“I’m not hopeless..As long as i lose my passion to life,one thing is given to me as a gift..

Even if every happiness flies to blank,my spirit disasters create my unique belief!

The end..

From dear William Shakespeare

“So I return rebuk’d to my content,

And gain by ili thrice more than I have spent”

©2018 lhpinhan

“Once upon a time”

/ inspired by *once upon a time / Evgeny Grinko /

Once upon a time..

We were childreen dancing on dry leaves,

We’d already heard sound of nature.

The silent wind whispered * valse

The clouds were our sights.

Sometimes,we were serious ones;

The fearless childreen sleeping under thunders.

‘Cos,we ‘d never felt scare

But,the adults told us horror tales!

We were childreen keeping hope insides

So,we’d never closed our eyes to the stars!

The caring night hid us

The moon sent us to the stars..


Once upon a time..

We were kids singing songs loudly,

We’d already learnt to play freely.

The humble streets listened to us

The pavements were stages for us!

Sometimes,we were funny ones,

Laughing sincerely was our style.

‘Cos,we’d never done fake

And,we were all of real smiles!

We were kids..

And we are still kids who resist to grow up!

`To the nogrowers

©2018 lhpinhan



   We live the time in endless tunnel..Time is shown by tick-tocks..We are captive in a huge clock in which every second turns into minutes..The minutes are running to an hour.The hours are so proud of being a day.This is like a machine which works like gears of a wheel.

Maybe,we are out of time in real and we are explorers of imaginary time.Because,when we get out of the world to the space,the time flies to eternity in space blank.In fact,we are walking in a line which starts from the past upto future.Our past and moments are drawing the next.We are in a relative way.As long as we walk in the way,the stones of the chosen road come under our feet.The relative line becomes visible.Each step is a new start and direction.

How can we decide to choose right direction in this relative and imaginary world and time?

Sometimes,we feel the choise by the help of our past and memories.Most of time,inspires show the way.

However,we are in purgatory of past and future.Maybe,the world of moments are the real world!


©2018 lhpinhan

We used to…

Those were the days which we used to write just a few words to each other,

Because,we’d really known our hearts..

Most of time,we didn’t use to ask why?

We used to think that each word is waste of time!

So,we talked to each other with our eyes.


Those were the days which we used to cry silently not to show our tears!

Therefore,we hid them with bitter smiles..

We used to keep our secrets like treasure,

Because,we were rich of our loyalty.


Those were the days which we used to walk side by side!

So,we hesitated not to step on our shadows..

We used to believe closeness of distance,

And we lived together heart to heart!

Even if we were far away from each other..


Today,we are in vain frames on which we deplete our humble souls day by day,and we lose our tolerance to the others.Because we are busy with puffing our ego,and we insist on closing our eyes & ears!

©2018 lhpinhan

Who is “She Wolf” ?

I got some words after listening to she wolf .

Of course ,the voice of Sia is quite fascinating.Besides of this, the lyrcs are so meaningful.

“You hunted me down

Like a wolf, a predator

I felt like deer in love lights!”

A broken heart,wounded woman’s screams and feelings..As she accepts her weak moments ,in the same time, she tells her broken side to the world! She feels as if she was trapped by a hunter,and when she says that “I thought I was part of you…”,she confesses her deception under the shadow of love lights! In repeats,a severe pain is seen clearly..”I’m falling to pieces!” is the bitter end!


On the other hand, this is song of revenge.I think, she intends to collect her pieces..So, recovering herself is only possiple to face with her unfortunate deception, and show the real face of her beloved.

While she was laying with wolves,she was alone,but strong and willed.Maybe,it was the first time for her ,and she was caught suddenly.She wasn’t ready,maybe she was unexperienced ,because she was used to be ‘alone wolf’..When she believed the love and became blind by effect of the magic love lights,she turned to a deer..She hid her teeth and claws,and unfortunately she was hurt at the her weakest moment!


Well..Where does the legend of She Wolf come from? Why is female likened to a wolf? I think,it reaches to Roman mythology. According to this myth,infant twins Romulus & Remus were abandoned on the side of Tibet River. A she- wolf saved and let them suckle. We can see the monuments as symbol in Capitoline Museum in Rome.

We can also read the evolution of the she- wolf as a symbol in western history and literature.Cristina Mazzoni analyzes this symbol in The Story of a Roman Icon. Of course, She Wolf by Hector H.Munro (Saki) is also great story.To sum up,She Wolf has a remarkable impression on literature from the past until now.


Maybe, she-wolf represents the power of female.Especially it’s the symbol of hidden force and humble heart!Whenever she faces to enemy,she remembers her wild side.On the other hand, she has a huge heart to hug helpless in need.The most important thing is that she never forgives the one who exploits her feelings!

To me,each woman has soul of a wolf 🙂

What do you think?

©2018 lhpinhan